hey guys! sorry it's been so long. but you don't care, you just want to read something interesting.
well, christmas came and went. it never felt like christmas. it did feel like a chore, and ohhh... TORTURE. but let's not get into that. i probably just have a bad temper. but it didn't help that we got snowed in our hometown and had to stay an extra night and day.
so the whole thing was just a big fake-storm. back in november it was sister 1's birthday. we went for dinner. when the food came, i dug in, and sister 2 chimed in "your food will taste better if you pray for it first!". bewildered by her idiot comment, all i could muster was "yeah okay." so now, christmas, i knew i was faced with having to be a big faker, or ending up in a huge fight with sister 2, and mom and dad too. and fights just aren't okay at christmas time. me and sister 2 learned that when we were kids, when we couldn't spend ten minutes in the same room without strangling the other.
so i bowed my head, i closed my eyes, i folded my hands, and yes, even said my prayers. and if that wasn't enough faking, when it came time to go to church, we faked being sick. and as we left, we served our "it-was-great-to-see-yous" towards some people we were forced to see.
by the time the holidays were over, we were purely exhausted. i don't lie to anyone, except for when i'm in my damn hometown where nobody can handle the truth. i've had enough. i love my family and i want to be able to be myself around them, and i want them to know who i really am. this year my goal is to ease them into the truth. i don't want to just blast them down with it all at once, because i know it would hurt them. i'm really excited to be open and free, and really really nervous i'll lose my family forever.